……end of year ‘deck clearing’

Boxing Day …hmmmm usually go visiting today but have delayed this year …..there’s a lot of flooding in the area at the mo driving is therefore not possible in some parts …also I’m bloody exhausted truth be known ….like I said ….feels like my (our) current lifestyle is neither sustaining or sustainable ….I kind of have a 2 year plan ….well …it’s a loose one …KNOW that change is ahead and wanting to prepare for it ….want to CREATE something for myself and the boys ….show them ‘options’ …an ‘alternative’ to the way things are now …I guess we’ll see:)

Throughout my working week I zip around
….must talk to 100’s of people….face to face …plus on the phone …plus email ….plus trying to keep up with the ever increasing admin demands …have given the job my all over the years …and have often fought the dilemma of whether I have ‘been there’ enough for my kids:)

It’s made me question greatly the role of ‘family’ …’relationship’…and ‘parenting’ in particular …and believe me I HAVE screwed up in many ways … try to do my best within the resources and energy I have …but is it enough?
Tend to be ‘full on’ both at work AND with the kids…then when get a break kind of collapse into full ‘chill out’ mode …lolling about in PJs and not answering the phone…spending the weekend with ‘Eric'( see earlier blogs):D:D

Last year just after Christmas the boys went to their Dads for a few days and I booked into a retreat.

Now I started getting into ‘Yoga’ around 16 years ago …but I couldn’t afford a ‘Yoga Retreat’ ….why the HELL are all things ‘Yoga’ so damned expensive???

Anyone living in India ….home of the words oldest and most comprehensive philosophy to live by ….would either throw their hands up in dispair or laugh their heads off at the way ‘Yoga’ has been ‘packaged’ and ‘marketed’ over here and in the US:D:D:D

Hmmmm ….or maybe as an ’emerging economy’ it’s something India could cash in on ….market it like we do the queen:D:D:D

Get in there on the whole ‘Yogic Lifestyle’ thing that is so ‘hip and trendy’ at the mo ….Hmmm maybe it will go full circle ….maybe  India and Yoga’s time has come ….God I’m going off on a tangent here :D:D:D ….where was I? …..Oh yes …..

ANYWAY …my 20mins morning meditation practice which helps get me through day to day was not proving enough by the end of the year …needed ‘retreat’ in the true sense:)
So in a kind of ‘last minute’ way …booked to stay at a Buddhist temple

aaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!! …. the sound of the sigh as I entered the gate …utter peace in beautiful rural surroundings … left alone to be silent when I needed to be …and made to feel ‘cared for’ by the warmth and kindness shown by the monks during chats at mealtimes etc ….an INCREDIBLY beautiful, sublime experience ….and a REAL antidote to my modern, fast paced urban lifestyle ….and it was whilst here I came up with my 2 year plan …well actually it was a 3 year plan then:D:D:D

ANYWAY …we’ll see … sometimes the best laid plans go to pot and we can end up going off in a slightly different/unexpected direction:D:D:D ….we’re learning and growing all the time …and maybe sometimes if we dare to take that unexpected turn it can lead to something more wonderful than we initially expected ….I guess it’s about being open, honest and trusting our inner feeling:)
Whatever …all paths taken lead to learning experiences …some wonderful …some not so …it’s the Yin/Yan of life and will balance out in the end:)

God I do go on don’t I? ……Make MYSELF laugh 1/2 the time …..I know what I mean tho even if I make no sense to anyone else:D:D:D

Oops digressed again …

So ….just now I am feeling that same need for ‘retreat’ in beautiful natural surroundings as I did last year.
It’s looking like it’s going to have to be the beginning of Feb tho as my diary is so damn full already I might struggle to get the leave…will find a way tho…..if I don’t take it by the end of March I’ve lost it ….always seem to do myself short in this way …not this year tho …
Just needing time to ‘be’and recharge the batteries for the year ahead …’time out’ to consolidate and get some clarity:)

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