Yes ….to me her art speaks of the soul …..

She has been with me most of my adult life …through various phases ….thick and thin

Occaisionally as I go about my daily life a track will just pop in my head …like music does ….I don’t know why music    or songs just pop in like that but they do don’t they?

Anyway today ….there have been 2 tracks popping in ….that I have subsequently had to listen to ….on a loop:D:D:D

When I do this the boys  call it ‘Bjorking’:D:D:D

The first has been ‘All is full of Love ‘…..which usually pops into my head causing me to hum whenever I end up visiting a shopping mall …..I imagine her voice echoing through the tannoy system:D:D:D

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If you want to check it out …go to YouTube and look up the version with the above picture:):):):)

The second one is ‘Joga’ ….like most of Bjorks work I find it speaks on many levels …..there is a LOVELY post on YouTube of her performIng this live at the Royal Albert Hall in London

Bjork seems to be a bit like Marmite ….if you ‘get’ her tho you can’t help but fall in love with her I feel.

ANYWAY ….if you have the inclination I hope you ENjOY …and I myself intend to continue ….tra la li li li :D:D

Oh ….and Tan is still there ….the beauty of his words SO precious ..just like Bjork ….something of the soul and there to remain:):):):):):)

When feeling like this  …just want to grab those I love and breath them in

Do we TRULY love?

Sense …see….taste ….hear ….touch …FEEL
Emotion ….pleasure…pain….light ….dark …FEEL
Breath ….Breeeeeeeeeeath ….Breeeeeeeeeeeath

Breath ….the ultimate nourishment
Love…….the ultimate energy
CONNECTION

Is it possible to survive on nourishment alone?
Yes …but there is NOTHING like the 2 combined

Was I going insane?

The words so beautiful …soul felt ….burning

A deep recognition ….

A sudden recognition ….

It can’t be

Can it?

Oh the joy and laughter

Why do I struggle so … this reflex ….this NEED to pull ALL away from darkness…

Often it is the pain of that very darkness that reveals such beauty ….who am I to interfere

Clouds gather ….light breaks thro

The arrogance …the foolishness ….the selfishness of me

I miss Tan

Wanted to ‘heal’ Tan

I’m ridiculous

Battle worn and weary

It’s  I who need healing

Missing Tan ….

If indeed it was …

Resting now in a blanket of cloud

It is …as is ……

 

 

I don’t know about Peter …but this is how I feel right at this moment …lolling about feeling weak and feverish …I’m a public sector worker ….an endangered species too:D:D:D….Hmmmm don’t have a ‘mate’ either …but I’ve bred already …got 2 cubs so maybe thats intended:D:D:D

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God …I need to give this blogging lark a rest too ….it’s probably not helping any …how come I have the energy for THIS:D:D:D

it’s like ‘therapy’ tho …I’m splurging …getting it all out to  prevent me going insane:D:D:D

Anyway ENOUGH already …..for today at least:D:D:D

 

 

Just posting this……..marches in central London against the governments ‘austerity measures’ and the then ‘Health and Social Care Bill’ which later became an act of Parliament enshrined in law.

Now take a look at the folk …. do they look like some kind of ‘enemy’ to you?

I want on a couple of these marches ….THOUSANDS of folk on the ones I went on …some said possibly a million …as big …if not bigger than the one against the Iraq war.

And the mish mash of folk …there were old age pensioners, people with disabilities, Fire Officers, Ambulance Crewe, Teachers, Nursery Nurses, Doctors, NHS and Social Services staff, even representatives of the charitable sector and police officers …..the whole gamut of public sector workers and community members who rely on those services were there ….and despite the numbers …it was all good humoured …a kind of carnival atmosphere( apart from the boo’s passing parliamentand No 10 ….even the police policing it were good humoured ….thing is tho…what folk were/are pissed off about …was that cuts were being made in the wrong places …the reason we had/have ‘austerity’ ( and don’t believe it’s gone away despite what tokens of optimism we get fed in the press)
anyway …the reason for ‘austerity’is due to the banks and large corporations greed …we were all conned …capitalism gone too far …and it ALMOST came tumbling down like a house of cards in the banking crash of 2008 ….and who shored it up?

We did!

And have the banks and major global corporations learned any lessons …apologised for starters …examined themselves and maybe looked at a different way of doing things?

No!

So who is being held to account?

We are!

Are there alternative ways of doing things?

Yes!…alternatives were being proposed at the time.

Were these marches and mass demo’s reported in mainstream media?
Apart from a small article in the Guardian newspaper I saw nothing.

Its a matter of ideology and power my friends.
What sort of world do we want?
I’m not against ‘wealth’ per se …it’s what’s done with it tho ….how much is ‘enough’ and do those of wealth hold any REAL compassion for those who are not as wealthy?

My guess is we are STILL very much sitting on a house of cards …

It ain’t any one nations problem …its global ….but it’s the wealthy nations that are the biggest culprits ….hmmmm where did capitalism start? ……ANYWAY …..like anything else …sometimes we need to take stock ..take a good hard look at ourselves …what is making us ‘sick’?
Apologise where we need to …let go of that which does not ‘feel’ right (and wealthy nations would have to put themselves in other nations shoes here)

Because …only THEN can we move foreward in a different …more healthy direction…for us …yep as ‘global citizens’ ALL of us …and the health of the planet at large

And so endeth the ‘twopenneth’ of the knackered, sick, single Mum living in the north of England:D:D:D

I might be COMPLETELY wrong of course :D:D:D
I don’t feel well …am a bit feverish at the mo
I guess it’s a case of ‘watch this space’:)

This time it was me not Eric who was sticking and blocking … It seems I too have been ‘hacked’ by a virus causing a problem with my personal internet provider.
Been back to the GP today for test results etc …all clear ….thank god …so my tiredness and lump which has changed from pea to softer bump at both sides with accompanying sore throat is nothing more sinister than that …phew …lucky:)

Wouldn’t let me go back to work tho …no treatment other than R&R so sick noted till NEXT Monday!!!!….colleagues have been great but just KNOW I will have met some kind of target …..oh well so be it.

Thing is …I knew I was feeling tired in November …..thought I MUST book some leave in January … as let’s face it although I love Christmas it’s hardly restful is it?

Originally was going to book last week but my diary got full …ironic eh?

But you know what …no one is indespensible.

I was talking before about the lovely team I work with ….an odd mish mash of folk who found themselves thrown together during the last big ‘service streamline and reconfiguration’ …2 ..no I think it’s just over 3 years ago now when the govt brought in the Health and Social Care Act 2012 as part of ‘austerity measures’ and overt privatisation.

Another act came out last year the Care act 2015 …a final nail in the coffin really and further ‘streamlining’ and ‘reconfiguration’ which began in October and has left the job feeling untenable…since then …a further 3 colleagues have handed in their notice and gone … the basket ball playing ‘Wondergirl’ handed her notice in on Chrismas eve …and the ‘Wondergirls Captain’ handed hers in last Monday.

The public sector is being purposefully destroyed through govt policy …almost like we are being taken back to pre WW2 yet we live in a very different world!!!…I hope I’ve got that wrong but time will tell

Anyway …so read my ‘Reconfiguration’ poem again …and the jigsaw analogy and that’s pretty much how it feels.

Thing is …I’ve worked for over 20 years in various guises in this profession …although I give my all at work …particularly the direct work …I HAVE to now think of myself and what’s best for my sons.

In 2 years time I would be able to claim the pension I have paid into ALL my working life ..it would give me £500 a month …which is not enough to live on … here in the UK anyway
BUT it WOULD mean I could take a job which paid less than now …a less ‘front line’ ..’high risk’ job if you like …do something COMPLETELY different.

ANYWAY …we’ll see …from where I’m sitting 2 years feels like a lo
ng way away.
And RIGHT at this moment I’m thinking ‘sod it!!!’ …..take this damned virus as a warning sign
I ( and I’m not alone in this I know) have been working flat out …often working till midnight trying to keep up with the ever increasing admin …largely govt ‘service monitoring’ stats

I used to like to cook …insist on healthy eating …but lately its been shoving pizza or jacket spuds in the oven …I havent been looking after myself OR the boys ….and they’re just seeing me worn out at the mo …it’s NOT good

No …I was right all along …you should listen to your body ..,that lump …which is now 2 …has FORCED me to stop

During this R&R …I need to take stock
…get back on track with healthy eating etc (which I have already) and rethinking the 2 year plan …..and I’ve STILL got the 3 weeks leave to take before the end of March ….had booked first week Feb and had plans ….kind of hoping they’re still on but we’ll see:)

God I feel annoyed tho …it’s like that woman snatching the ball and being sent off just as the game was ending.

STILL …at least it’s not the REAL game that’s ending ….not yet anyway:) …and for that I’m THANKFUL:) …as …if nothing else …I need to try to ensure the boys get safely to adulthood …and I sometimes feel I come up wanting in that regard ….don’t always get the ‘work/life’ balance right somehow ….not sure I’m exposing them to the right options:)

So …..I think I’ve mentioned the lovely team I work with ….or should I say ‘worked’ with …..we are disbanding at the mo ……anyway …yes …mostly young women ….hmmm just 4 men when I think about it …but anyway ALL pretty strong personalities and very different ….but somehow we gel :):):):)

Anyway last year …one of my colleagues had not long returned from maternity leave ( always an iffy time for women ….and men too really) ….So her birthday was looming and she was feeling a little …..a little ….reflective about the passing years and stages of life:)

So we had a night out in one of those traditional ‘Real Ale’ pubs in the city which tend to be populated by students and artsy types ….we managed to get a corner we could all squash in …all was good.

Now I don’t drink much …the odd glass of wine or 1/2 of bitter or Guinness in social situations….as I said I hate feeling unwell …when I get a little tipsy it doesn’t make me feel happy …rather it makes me tearful and prone to tell everyone I don’t feel well and I love them …which is perhaps a tad embarrassing:D:D:D

ANYWAY …so towards the end of the night I was fine but most were DEFINATELY a bit tipsy:D:D:D

The ‘birthday girl’ kept saying ‘I don’t know who I am any more’ …..and me being me asked her what she meant ….she was saying that although she loved her daughter and husband dearly felt she was loosing herself ….we talked a little about stages of life and what exactly she felt was getting lost …she went on to talk about the person she was in her late teens ….she had LOVED netball …had been captain for her school team and had gone on to play at county level for a number of years ( her passion)

Suffice to say ….by the end of the night we had formed a ‘netball team’ and the ‘birthday girl was elected as captain’

Now ….in the cold light of day it transpired that most of us had not played netball other than occaisionally being forced to play the odd game during PE at school ….mostly under duress …However, we thought it would be a good way of keeping fit, good fun and a way back in to the game for our colleague.

So … our captain organised a ‘friendly’ game after work one night ….I think we were …or certainly I was thinking it would just be a friendly knock about in some community hall or other …..I remember rummaging in my drawers for something to wear and had almost considered wearing my pyjamas untill I descovered an old sad pair of leggings screwed up at the back.

We had raced across the city in the dark and wet after work…arriving at the venue pretty much simultaneously …through the dark and drizzle could be seen a number of cages ….one being FLOODLIT…. there within stood 2 refs in full track suits tutting and looking at their watches surrounded by a group of tall svelt women …arms folded …glaring …..and dressed in full netball kit.

As we tumbled out of our cars and in ….a motley crew in assorted leggings and baggy teeshirts …..the refs just threw us these ‘bibs’ and asked for our team name ….WE DIDN’T HAVE ONE!!!

Too late tho …as we were hastily pulling on our bibs ….PWEEEEEEEEEE!!!! and we were OFF!!!

We were basically just racing around trying to get the ball off the opposing side and in the net

PWEEEEEEEEEE …PWEEEEEEEEE ……that damned whistle kept blowing with shouts of ….’OFFSIDE …..throw in to ‘The Harriers’ …..’FOUL …..to the Harriers’ ……etc, etc,etc

One colleague kept thinking she was playing basket ball ….making impressive moves to secure the ball and bouncing off to score with a flourish ….only to be Pweeeeeee’ed at:(

As for myself …….weeeeeeeelll…..

I had this woman who was around 6 ft tall and of svelt athletic build ‘marking’ me …..every time I turned around she was THERE ….and whenever I got the ball she stood on tip toes arms outstretched in a kind of arch above me ….being ‘in my face’ was an understatement:D:D:D

I have to confess that netball did not bring out the best in me …..the opposing side (although lovely after the game) were all really sporty and competitive …head girl types if you will (it transpired afterwards we had joined a proper league)

I was getting increasingly frustrated and irritable ….that incessant Pweeeeeeeeee ing and shouting …….’Shit …Shit ….sorry …SORRY’ ….( that’s me by the way …the swearing)

There was a moment tho ….towards the end of the game ……the ball came flying through the air directly towards me …..here was my chance ….the wet floodlit globe circling in the dark rainy sky heading right at me ….almost in slow motion …Yeeeeeeesssss:):):):):):):):)

Nooooooooo!!!!……..as I leapt …that bloody woman launched in from nowhere…….grabbing it in a graceful sweep before landing right in front of me ……

THAT was IT!!!!

I slapped that ball straight out of her hand and did a kind of drop kick …..WELLYING it into the fence!!!!

If it had have been soccer it would have been a GLORIOUS goal …….I think I even raised my arms in triumph imagining the crowds roar:D:D:D:D

Pweeeeeeee PWEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEE EEEEEEEE!!!! ….’FOUL!!’ …..’SEND OFF!!’

I walked off sulking just as the game was coming to a close
To be continued …..

So ….I can’t remember how many ‘reconfiguration’s I’ve survived …particularly over recent years …I was referring to ‘service reconfigurations’ at work ….but yep maybe lifestyle ….mine ….ours …or even me ….have been snipped and squeezed into shape so much ….like a jigsaw puzzle …..if you keep chopping and chucking pieces out ….eventually you get a distorted puzzle ….or one that collapses altogether.
Hmmmmm maybe I’m not too good at poetry after all:D:D:D
Things need to be balanced ….the question is are they? ….it’s something to strive for in my book ….or actually no …it’s the opposite of ‘strive’ …it’s go with what ‘feels’ right but that’s nigh on impossible in today’s frenetic world …and even if we eventually ‘configure’to something more agreeable ….it’ll never be 100% plain sailing ….this life is not meant to be a totally easy ride ….we get tested ….that’s why those MOMENTS are so important ….those GLIMPSES …the 20 mins a day …..
The dandilion in a crack in the pavement
The tired toddler being carried over his granddads shoulder …who suddenly and unexpectedly flashes a grin and thumbs up making you laugh ..like today when I was feeling pretty glum
The amazing intricacy of dew drops formed on blades of grass.
Cuddling up with someone on the sofa … In my case my sons to watch ‘The amazing world of gumball’ …( yes …yes …I know:D:D:D
The little things ….the simple things …these are what help to lift when feeling tested.
And I am feeling a little tested just now …it doesn’t do me good to think tooooo deeply into things …I might for a little while ….see if I can do something about it …if it’s useful …and if not I try to switch off …folk might think I lack intelligence …but the most ‘intelligent’ thing I feel anyone ever said to me was ‘keep on keeping it simple’
We’re all different tho … I guess it’s whatever floats your boat:):):):):)