Relationships

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately ……in part prompted by a blog who I follow’s post earlier this week with the conclusion being that ‘Compassion is not gender specific but much needed in a narcisstic society’  …..and I agree ….and I agree that we live in a pretty narcisstic society

So …..Relationships …of ANY kind should be mutual/reciprocal with each  ( people, groups even countries) taking responsibility for their own actions ….including screw ups …which we ALL do at some time or another …..the key being to firstly recognise and acknowledge when we have screwed up ….hopefully learn from it  ….apologise ( and mean it) if needed make a few compromises and move foreward in a different, healthier way ….not always easy tho ….it takes both sides remember:)

ANYWAY for the purpose of this post I will just look at ‘personal relationships’ ….yep ….of the ‘partner’ kind 😉

RIGHT believe it or not I am pretty old fashioned when it comes to this for myself ….I did not CHOOSE to be a single parent and quite frankly don’t believe anyone WOULD ….it certainly ain’t always a walk in the park …..BUT sometimes it comes to the stage when enough is enough and it’s probably best for all concerned to draw a line and end the ‘relationship’ …..

I would rather be alone than be in one that has become toxic PLUS it would take someone very special indeed to introduce the boys to …..life can be complicated enough as it is …and I have ‘Eric’afterall:D:D:D

So …I guess you would say I have had 4  significant ‘relationships’ to date …Hmmmm is that good or bad? ….not sure …but no regrets from where I’m sitting now so it’s ALL good in my book:):):):)

The first was a ‘Northern Soul’ boy quite a bit older than myself who I fell in love with because not only was he VERY charming but was into some really good music and could DANCE!!! unfortunately whatever he saw in me in the first place he soon passed over for a girl his own age who was far more sophisticated than I was …’HEARTBROKEN’is the term….and If you don’t know what ‘Northern Soul’ is ….google it  ….a perculiar youth movement which I believe is still going …although they’re all now middle aged:D:D:D….Hmmmm I believe my first love went on to become an accountant ….ANYWAY I’m digressing:D:D:D:D

So …partner number 2 I ALMOST married ….my father wanted to see me settled down…he was a lovely guy …a rock solid ‘boy next door’ if you will ….both families got on well …but I am ashamed to say I saw my whole life flashing before my eyes …I felt VERY young ..and all I could see was folk getting excited about white meringue dresses and the prospect of grandchildren …..I will NEVER forget as long as I live my Dads face when I told him…I was ‘gutted’ but just COULDN’T go thro with it …it STILL makes me feel bad thinking about it now and I ran into my ex last year …he’s done really well for himself …it’s all water long under the bridge but GOD I felt bad at the time:( ….I have ‘Fiddler on the Roof’ as one of my favorite movies on an earlier post …this is because the character ‘Tevy’ reminds me of my Dad …it was his favorite movie too ..hmmmm and if you know the plotline of the relationship as a father of 3 daughters there’s some similarities THERE as well:D:D:D …oops digressing again ANYWAY

Once the dust settled …I got my own place and went through a bit of a doc Martin, boiler suited ‘Socialist Independant woman’ phase:D:D:D …..or tried to:D:D:D….during this period I also buggared off to Malta BUT kept running into who would become partner number 3 on the bus …he said he’d contact when we both got back to the UK …I thought ‘Yeah RIGHT’ but he DID!!!! And we ended up having a FABULOUS time …initially I thought he might be ‘the one’ ….he was a computer programmer and went on his own JUST at the start of the ‘dot com bubble’ …he ended up being ‘head hunted’ as a ‘consultant’ and THATS how we ended up in the states and I became a student of the Chicago Art Institute 😉 ..thing is …every 3 months he would go for a new contract it was like some kind of mad game …they would always ask HIM what salary he wanted …after the first ‘contract’ he just said crazier and crazier amounts …even tho he was good at his job his view initially was ‘Well there’s nothing to loose ….if I don’t pull it off we just go back home’ replaced by ‘I want to make my FIRST million within the next 3 years’ ….and he pulled it off EVERY time …every time a deal was struck he would come flying in pick me up and swing me round declaring triumphantly he was ‘BRINGING home the bacon!!!’…it was SCARING me PLUS we had to go to all these events and dinners to ‘schmooze’ …..now I don’t mind chatting to folk but I’m not a ‘shmoozer’ ….he would reassure me saying …’C’mon it’s just a game …just get done up ..be yourself….piece of cake …and we’ll be out of here in a couple of years’  ….many MANY people said I was mad for letting this one go …including myself sometimes ….but he seemed to have changed to nothing but dollar signs behind the eyes and I had applied to go to University for the qualification for the job I have now ….. our last meet was the first break at Uni …Christmas …it was the most beautiful breakup it’s possible to have …both wanting different things out of life …having different motivations …liking each other INTENSELY but the whole thing not tenable (and YES over the years I HAVE had a tendancy to shoot myself in the foot for what I see are my principles ….or just sheer stupidity ….some would say I can be a bit of an idiot I’m sure…probably a lot of a one most of the time:D:D:D..Oh and yes …he DID make a million AND some WELL within his target period:D:D:D

ANYWAY by now I had met the boys Dad …albeit just part of the same group of friends initially:):):):):) We were on the same page …same motivations ..made each other laugh ..a lot in the early days ….I had already planned to visit Thailand that summer ..we ended up going together …didn’t get very far with the ‘touring’ tho …ended up living in a beach hut on Ko Samui for three months and came back very much in love:D:D:D …still saddens me what happened to us really ..we were together 16 yrs the HUGE plus from the relationship being the boys tho …and I had never even considered settling down and having children with anyone else …which says a lot really:):):):)
So there we are …

Heartbroken

Heartbreaker

Mutual ending

Heartbroken,Heartbreaker,Mutual ending

Hmmmm where  does that leave me now? …Do you reckon it’s evens in the ‘Karma’ stakes? …God I HOPE so …have had enough of roller coaster rides:)

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