Ok …..So!!!

I should be feeling like this πŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜„πŸ˜„

But instead feel a bit πŸ˜”

Well no ….ok …..maybe😢

That hamster has been running at full pelt the last couple of weeks!!! …….saw the situation and ……ok ……this is the problem ……if everybody with a vote just did a little bit …..just did what they can ……well …….well ……we would have a more dynamic and vibrant democratic process ……if more people with the privelage of university education, instead of purely using their intellect to feather their own nest gave a little back ….SOMTHING!!! …..then maybe ….maybe……
As you know I volunteered to help out at our local by-election on behalf of the Labour Party ….mostly due to the circumstances of why there needed to be one in the first place ….because we had a vacuum which felt tangible and allsorts was going on……so I’ve been doing a bit of telephone and pounding the streets work, as has one of the other ex Wondergirls this last week :):):):):)

Now ……SOME folks may be a little cynical about Tracy Brabin Β ….BUT I would say to those people ‘where were YOU?’ ….the woman put her hat in the ring ….not an easy thing to do I would imagine as someone like Jo Cox is very rare indeed with IMPOSSIBLE shoes to fill …Tracy herself acknowledges this …she was born and raised in the area and YES moved on to better herself and persue a career …. and good for her too …there is nothing wrong in THAT ….and YES she’s an actress by profession which is very different to working at grassroots Β … and yes I guess she seems a bit ‘actressy’ at the moment ….but she’s BOUND to ….she WILL find her feet tho …her heart is in the right place …it’s a new job …no’one has ALL skills ….she’ll develop and get into her stride …she’s going to be just fine:):):):):)

AND the election results just blasted those 9 other groups out of the water …a pretty good turnout at the polling stations too …so it just goes to show the VAST majority of people care and want unity regardless of age, gender, race, religious affiliation OR ( in this case) political stance:):):):):):)

But guess what?

Right now feel exhausted ….THERES a suprise I hear you cry …hmmmmm yes I guess my knackeredness surfaces periodically here on Blog On!:D:D:D

ANYWAY ….this morning we were all given letters at work …phase 3 of this ‘transformation’ that started last October and is apparantly due for completion end of March NEXT year( Hmmmmm I said it was a good use of terminology didn’t I?) …Anyway it also means the last remaining ‘Wondergirls’ and ‘M’ are being split up to different numbered areas …I am moving to ‘area 1 ‘ ….no I am NOT kidding….when asked which geographical area’s these meant and if indeed there would be bases was informed ..’we don’t know yet but should be given more details in the coming weeks’

Bumped into fellow Ex Wondergirl in passing who looked equally jaded today …the usual ..’Hey ..y’alright’ …but in knackered tones followed by a half laugh and hug

Hmmmmmmmm ….you know ….when I started this blog …exactly a year ago this week actually …I had a plan …have hit a number of obstacles tho …not least being pretty much stoney broke financially ( and I’ve worked all my life which doesn’t sound right does it? ….I’m sure there are others out there …not quite using food banks but no luxuries really …can’t afford the dentist or hairdressers for example ….am I one of the ‘working poor’?) ….so I’m thinking ….where next? ….do I just carry on as per waiting for the axe to drop on my head (which it surely will sooner or later …it kind of feels like things keep being reduced and we are merely holding the fort …or trying to pop plasters on gaping wounds ) Β ..or should I bail out? ..to what tho?

Ps) I said bail out not give up …want somthing different but WHAT? ….don’t want to become a full lone working android tho and don’t even think I CAN!!! ….I like my own space to a degree but in this line of work it feels tooooo isolating AND I don’t like the lone working tech which is allegedly for safety but feels ‘big brotherish’not to mention having to work somewhere thus far described as ‘area 1’ which if it’s where I think it is will laugh my head off …and I CERTAINLY don’t want to get into local party politics, Β which would be just as bad if not WORSE!!!

GOD …I’m burning out aren’t I? ….is this burn out? ….don’t remember feeling like this when I was younger ….it’s like I’m racing around trying to keep my head above water ..DESPERATELY looking for those dandilions in the crack in the pavement but feeling someone is spraying the weed killer ….Hmmmm should I just hand my notice in on Monday? …would that be grossly irresponsible? …well yes, probably

I want a peaceful next phase of my life tho …is that too much to ask?..is it an age thing?…not asking for too much materially but somthing without all these barriers….well we’d ALL like not to have to struggle, I’m kinda used to not having much tho so SURELY can just have a little peace…PLEASE?:)

Hmmmm is this going to be a flop onto the cushion not getting dressed ….march off up the hill ….or consult with the mute swan therapist …weekend I wonder?…maybe all 3:D:D:D

9 thoughts on “Ok …..So!!!

  1. I think it frightens people when they can actually experience how fast things change, how what was thought secure becomes a quagmire of false hopes. Billions are experiencing the speeding up of change in man’s world, now including climate change. For decades, despite the many warnings, man’s technology has speeded up the process of entropy, when energy (such as fossil fuels and nuclear) remains but can no longer be used. Dead energy, not a resource but a massive pile up of non-renewable pollution. The same is happening to the species – expanding exponentially in numbers far beyond the capacity of the planetary system to maintain. This global pressure is entering into the very blood stream of every living Earthian and poisoning its mind. Now comes all those heretofore unknown esoteric “diseases” like PTSD and endemic depression. Many are becoming zombies, unable to cope. The change we are facing is probably the deepest and most significant to strike the Earthian species since it’s “invention” and it is going to either destroy the species or re-invent it into something new. I see the second, but not without horrible tribulation. So here you are, at the cusp of the maelstrom that’s going to swallow a majority of the population and change the very topography of this planet until it becomes an alien world to the survivors. And… there is nothing anyone can do now to prevent or re-direct what is about to take place. So what do you do? You force yourself to relax and you accept what the bosses give you and make the best of it – until you can see a viable option. Then you take that one, and carry on.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. “You force yourself to relax and you accept what the bosses give you and make the best of it – until you can see a viable option. Then you take that one, and carry on.”
    Sound advice from Sha’Tara

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I was just reading last few para slowly..trying to decipher what it actually means…
    I understand that life is quite tough Fijay…more so in countries like Uk, Italy, Spain …many more in Europe..Africa! I’m sure you’re quite stressed out with lots of burden and never ending responsibility. I do read about your young sons in you post. I feel you’re working hard and trying your best..but it does get us all…looks like never ending! I do have suggestions, but I guess this comment box is not the right place!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh it’s Ok arv …..it’s just that since the 2008 banking crash …
      ……the government are cutting back and cutting back on public services.
      So of course we keep going through what they call ‘reconfigurations’ …where services are chopped, many got rid of altogether ….they had chopped and chopped so much by last October they started calling the rejigging ‘transformation’ which basically means it’s an ongoing process
      It feels at the moment that we are merely a ‘crisis’ service …there have been some deals done with the private sector …I read somewhere that a large American company was muscling in to healthcare ….thing is …areas like this no’one can afford private health insurance so we are pretty much in a dire situation …because there are no longer enough staff ( and in the guise of modern 21st century working) we have been issued with laptops, mobile phones and these electronic tracker devices that we must wear at all times …it’s called ‘lone worker kit’
      So we are going to be out there in the community on our own…and although I’m mostly a positive person it’s a community not without its problems …it’s classed as an ‘area of deprivation’ here in the uk …and sadly divisions have only deepened since the Brexit vote.
      Jo Cox …the MP that was shot had worked ALLOVER the world in troubled areas for Oxfam among others …Tracy has not got that experience ( not many folk have) I feel a little jaded at the moment because not only was I hearing a lot …no …SOME cynicism about Tracy …but also because we are entering another phase in this ‘transformation’ we are being moved to cover specific areas ….a little sad too as it is the final nail in the coffin for the last few remaining of a team I really enjoyed working with ( the Wondergirls refers to a tongue in cheek name given to a netball team we had:D:D:D ….and ‘M’ refers to a male nurse I have worked with since I got this particular job.
      I don’t feel I can do it any more …we’re not really providing much of a service …it doesn’t feel safe for either the service users OR us …but anything that goes wrong is blamed on individual workers ‘responsible’
      I don’t want that ‘responsibility’ ….I am on my own so my main ‘responsibility’ is the boys
      Need to get out …admit defeat …and have started to look this weekend:)
      Thanks for taking an interest tho arv:)
      Gosh this is a long rambling reply isn’t it?:D:D:D


      1. Sad to hear about capitalist moves. It’s happening everywhere, out here too! And it’s called rationalisation!! Selling off public sector to private corporations. No system has worked completely – Marxism, fascism, imperialism, oligopoly…. I guess someday capitalism will fail too. But till then we will all have to bear the burnt!
        Long Post? Not really..
        Long is only when you don’t want to read which is not the case here!
        Try searching for opportunities in abroad specially in Asia where lot of Europeans are heading to with lesser places and opportunities in Europe.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Thanks arv ….yep I think capitalism is combusting …thing is there’s a dangerous vacuum …democracy? ….well at least folk get to ‘elect’ their leaders but there’s not enough people taking an active part in it …..Islam maybe? …that’s contraversial but at least it’s a ‘system’ if your a Muslim …not one I’d particularly be happy with tho …I respect folks beliefs but the Islamic countries are just as corrupt if not MORE so

          Don’t know what the answers are arv …and yep …if I could would probably up sticks and emigrate …thing is the boys spend time with their father …which I agree with and think is good for them …particularly at the age they are now …when a boy hits puberty the relationship changes with his mother….which is only natural:D:D:D

          No I’m kinda stuck for the next couple of years ….am on the lookout for another job tho for now:)

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Fijay.. I get what you mean by referring to certain countries. Surely it’s sore point on this side of milky way! I’m not sure what the answers are for this religious system. Rather it seems to be getting more complicated with the way things have happened in Europe in
            Recent times. It’s quite a different subject with so many unanswered questions and answers. Looks like we’re headed to medieval world of religious wars!! Not sure if that’s going to be true. Fact is Islamic world itself is not happy with their own fraternity -killing their own Islamic brothers in name of jehad!!
            It’s true that kids need father more than anything upon their developing years but I’m sure the bond you have with kids will never fade and will not develop with father. I wish things would turn good for you!
            Anyways, wishing you luck – lots of ‘ em!! πŸ™‚

            Liked by 1 person

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