…..hmmmm and what about old ladies?

Well ….I’m sure you agree about both the Dalai Llama AND The Rev Desmond Tutu BOTH being EXCELLENT role models for their wisdom AND spirit of 3 …….but what about women? ….I am now approaching or actually IN my Autumn years ….hmmm no ….let’s say late summer ….for now:D:D:D

So I’ve been wracking my brains ….THINKING about old lady role models ….what sort of old lady would I like to be? ….now it seems I’ve scuppered ANY ideas of THIS:D:D:D


Which WOULD be my ideal truth be known as I AM a bit old fashioned believe it or not …but it’s a very rare thing indeed

However …..don’t loose heart ‘late summer ladies’ …or Autumn or indeed Winter ones ….I have come up with a FABULOUS role model for us ….sadly she died a couple of years ago BUT at the ripe old age of 102!!!…. AND with her slightly impish sparkle to the end:D:D:D

Born and raised a Muslim …married a Hindu ….GOOD GRIEF …STONE THEM!!!
Ha haaaa sorry …too late …they had a successful marriage and she had a long and MOSTLY happy life …raised children …had a successful career AND made everyone smile ….she couldn’t give a damn but had a WONDERFUL philosophy on life…. I am pretty certain she WON’T be damned to eternal hell …a spirit like hers will have whizzed off to become a cosmic ray or somthing :D:D:D ……get THIS for a quote

Yep …it’s Zohra Seghal …LOVE her:):):):)  English folks might remember her as the grandma in the movie ‘Bend it like Beckham’ amongst others …..just check her story on Wikipedia …and that was back THEN:D:D:D

I’m sure there will be many more you can probably think of ….feel free to add ….it doesn’t have to be anyone famous ….it could be a little old lady down the street or your grandmother …Emma was mine ( maternal great aunt that I have mentioned before and didn’t have children of her own) well actually it was Emma AND her husband Alf who had that rare thing of the couple above and passed within a year of each other:( ….blimey THAT was a double whammy) …at Emma’s funeral tho, everyone was sitting in sombre mood when all of a sudden this HUGE bumble bee flew in from somewhere. Buzzing around dive bombing everyone’s heads. It started with the Rev who stoically carried on so after a while it started on the rows of mourners..
I’m afraid I got a fit of the giggles and I rember my sister kept elbowing me and frowning which made it WORSE then the bee came to OUR row and even SHE was laughing ..we said afterwards that it was typical of Emma to have such pandemonium at her funeral with everyone bobbing about ducking the bee and my sister and I in hysterical laughter …oh … and from memory the organist was shocking too …sat there all serious whilst missing notes and playing off key:D:D:D …ANYWAY Emma would have LOVED it:):):):)

…maybe she WAS the bee:D:D:D

ANYWAY …as per on this ere blog am going off on a tangent and entering the personal

Would love to hear of any other old ladies from anyone looking in…let’s look foreward to the winter years:D:D:D ….maybe you ARE a ‘Winter lady’ …yep from here on in I am not referring to age:D:D:D …there are babies,children then it’s Spring,Summer,Autumn and Winter for phases of life for me from now on:):):):):):)

The alternate weekend bed companion ….

YES ……it’s a strange kind of relationship ……one I am NOT entirely comfortable with truth be known ….but these things happen…….allegedly:D:D:D

SO …..this creature came into my life …Hmmmmm can’t remember how long ago now ….Sam had just started school so ….BLIMEY she’s knocking on a bit actually:D:D:D

ANYWAY ….she was trouble from the start!!!   as a kitten she would climb up the Venetian blinds …launching herself onto the back of our necks when we were trying to eat at the dining table …amongst MANY other misdemeanours:D:D:D

To this day …when she has been out on the rampage she will come in and drop some dead creature at your feet looking up at you for a reaction ….she once brought a bat!!! …..yes that’s right A BAT!!! …..and the poor thing was NOT dead …but no doubt DEEPLY traumatised as was I !!!!:D:D:D

The kids ADORE her …..they named her Lola ……I am afraid to me she has always been ‘Cat’ …….or …..’That damned Cat’ ……to be more precise ……you see I believe her sole purpose in life is to plague me!!!:D:D:D

SO ….part of my bedtime routine is to hunt her down and chuck her out ……if not she tends to bounce onto the bed at 3am miaowing loudly and ‘paw treading ‘ your hair …. you then have a wild goose chase around the house at 3am on a bloody workday!!! ……and YES she can open doors ….and NO we don’t have a cat flap as that would be WORSE!!! ….I fear she would be inviting allsorts in knowing her …it would be a DISASTER!!!

…….my bedtime routine therefore entails clearing up all the supper things …then psyching myself up for the next part …..  I usually sneak up on her whilst she is 1/2 asleep on the sofa …speaking to her in gentle tones, picking her up and caressing her before popping her out the back door and into the night of wild parties and whatever else they get up to in Catland:D:D:D

HOWEVER ….if I do not get it quite right and she senses what I’m up to …The ears prick up …she sits bolt upright …eye balling me for a split second ….and ….WE’RE OFF!!! …..careering round the house ….skittering ….skidding …bumping into furniture ….thudding around ….meowing ….cursing ….( work out for yourself who is doing what) ….the boys will often be laughing upstairs shouting …’Mum just LEAVE her!!!’ …..but THEY don’t get the unwarranted noisy and slightly painful head massage in the early hours DO they!!!??    and I don’t like her sleeping on the beds!!!

But …I have to confess …I DO sometimes think ‘sod it’ ……give it up as a bad job….this seems to happen more often when the boys are not here ….it’s as tho she KNOWS:D:D:D ….and often as not I can’t FIND her when it comes to bedtime ….one minute she’s on my lap …the next minute …right on bedtime …she’s gone !!!    God knows where she is hiding?:D:D:D

THEN ….on waking in the morning …in that 1/2 sleep …I kind of sense someting next to me ….on the pillow ….YES ….THAT close!!! …..nose to nose!!! …..I kind of 1/2 open my eyes ….to be met by ANOTHER pair of eyes!!! ….we BOTH jump up …and the chase is ON!!!:D:D:D


Look at her …..LOOK at that expression!!! ….she’s as smug as you like!!!:D:D:D     If there IS such a thing as reincarnation I would quite like to come back as a domestic cat ….. they have the life of bloody Reilley don’t they!!!??:D:D:D

ANYWAY …….shhhhhhhhhhhhh …think I’m going to crack it this time ….yes …yes…..shhhhhhhhhhhhhh…….just take it nice n sloooooow ……..here we go

G’Night

 

 

Buggar …….she’s OFF!!!:D:D:D

The mood today :):):):):):)

Well …..started off in a kind of ….hmmmmmm mmmmm mmmmm what shall I do today?sort of mood…

SO many possibilities but can’t really be arsed doing ANY of them:D:D:D

SO ….went and had a leisurely bath instead ….listened to some music ….came back down ….was just about to hmmmmmm mmmmmm mmmmm again ….when my sister came round with my youngest neice :):):):):):) ….it doesn’t happen often …..we’re scattered about a bit as a family ….but if any of us are passing thro each other’s neighbourhoods we’ll call in for a brew and chat …..had an interesting chat with my neice …..bless her she’s only 10 ….changes afoot in her life for the first time ever of  which she’s a little anxious so was asking me lots of questions in the kitchen …..it took me back to when I was that age :D:D:D …..so just did my best at allaying her fears 🙂

Hmmmmmmm SO …..I guess this track sums up my mood today …..’Bjorking’ was last week…..currently kind of chilled back and laaaazy ….but thinking …..tomorrow I will DEFINATELY be going out:D:D:D

Click the link if you like ….it’s nice laid back music for a laid back mood

https://youtu.be/qG5Wv8gE4bs

a mini roadtrip

Once we got the wet pants dry ….breakfast stuff cleared ….laundry to Mohammed’s  ….and dropped Matt to meet his girlfriend ….Sam and I went on a little roadtrip ….took him over to a little place I know on the Pennines between Leeds and Manchester …it’s a LONG time since I’ve been to that particular place ….it seems to have become very twee since I was last there ..less earthy …. less rugged …my guess is it’s Inhabitants are mostly made up of commuters …… you know …business folk who like to ‘live’ out in the country but tend to stay in hotels in the city mon to fri …..it’s a funny carry on isn’t it? ….where’s the ‘soul’?

Even Sam noticed it ……he was laughing at how miserable everyone looked ….AND LIVING IN SUCH A BEAUTIFUL PLACE!!!?   He also noticed how ‘white’ it was.  I explained to him I didn’t know why …I didn’t remember it as such …but maybe it was ….we therefore began playing a game of ‘spot the minority’ …..yes ….yes ….I know:D:D:D  …..and yes ….there WERE one or two when you looked closely which was very reassuring:D:D:D

Sam said when he gets back to school if Mr O’Connor asks them to do that excersise wherby they write what they have done in the holidays he will add ….’and the highlight was going on a mini road trip with my Mum…where we got lost in the wilderness ….trapped at a remote farm where a strange old lady came out eyeing us suspiciously ( yep …both true ….kept saying …ooooh don’t remember this little lane let’s see what’s up here) …and we ended up playing spot the minority’:D:D:D

He’s starting to fine tune his sarcasm

He’s having a growth spurt too ….nearly as tall as me now ….well no …a little ways to go yet:D:D:D….his  voice is breaking tho…and he’s broken out in teenage spots …I’ve been lucky really ….I KNOW it tends to happen within the first year of high school …and we’ve got to the end of that now ….he’s growing up ….he’s becoming ‘Slick’ ……truth be known I would like him to remain cute little wild haired Sam without a care in the world …but that’s both selfish on my part and unrealistic:D:D:D

Hmmmmm yep ….we guide them thro as best we can then off they go …and that’s the natural order of things

For today he was happy to spend some time with me …1 to 1 …. I know these days are numbered …..he’s starting to get ‘shy’ with photo’s too like Matt did ……so I sneaked a couple in :D:D 😀

Sunday night again …hmmmmm you wouldn’t think these pics were taken in summer ….look more like autumn

ANYWAY  Goodnight

The ‘Race’ issue ….

Well in case you hadn’t noticed we are a mixed race family:D:D:D …..I hate the notion of ‘Race’ I hate the notion of ANYTHING which creates a seperation …division ….BUT there it is.   I long for the day where their won’t be ….where people are just people judged by their character rather than the color of their skin to quote Martin Luther King …..We’re a long way from that yet tho and indeed are at a point where things seem to be going backwards rather than foreward. It is therefore imperative to be intolerant of intolerance WHEREVER it resides:)

SO …..to my family ….lets start with my sons as they are the most important …..to me anyway:D:D:D. Let’s start with Matt as he is the one having the trickiest ride.

When Matt was a baby he was the most gorgeous looking child ….yes ….yes ….I know ALL parents say that ….but we would be stopped in the street by strangers to say so and were once even approached by a modelling agency but I was having NONE of that:D:D:D

After having Matt I wanted to give up work for a while ….be a stay at home Mum untill he started school ….but number one I would have had to pay bay back maternity pay received whilst on leave …and number two I was persuaded otherwise by my then husband who felt we couldn’t afford it and that it would drive someone like myself insane:D:D:D      I think he underestimated how childbirth changes a woman’s perspective tho ….your priorities …..or it did mine:D:D:D  ANYWAY so poor little Matt was packed off to a day care nursery at the tender age of 6 months old ……I HATED it …..felt ripped apart and bereft ……something I hated and regretted for a LONG time ( and I think looking back caused the first unease in our marriage) untill I finally came to the conclusion that I couldn’t change the past and needed to focus on the here and now and making the most of the ‘moments’ but I digress

So ….at 3 years old I remember Matt asking me ‘Why is no’one my color?’ ……he used to ask ALL kinds of questions as 3 year olds do:D:D:D ……but I distinctly remember this one ….they had apparantly been painting pictures of themselves at nursery and there was just pink paint to use requiring the staff to mix a different color just for him

I remember telling him …

‘Well …..if you get Daddy’s color and my color …just like paint you mix them together and get your color ….a beautiful golden brown ……and ANYWAY it’s just at nursery ….there are lots of people your color …..think of some of your cousins’

‘Oh yes ‘ said he and seemed happy with that …..phew!!!

Needless to say ….when it came to looking for a primary school ….as an only child at the time it was a priority for me to ensure he went to a school with a healthy mix of kids from a range of backgrounds …..I wanted him to be confident in mixing with others …..rich …poor …..black …..white ……skybluepink with yellow dots on …..no easy task ….as believe me ….even in relatively mixed communities you find schools populations are NOT …..BUT if there was one thing I feel  I DID get right as a parent was getting my boys into an EXCELLANT primary school with a really switched on headteacher and largely young, creative and dynamic staff team:):):):):):) ………and YES it always got ‘Outstanding’ ofsted reports but in truth that wasn’t what I was going for ….more the overall ‘feel’ of the place

So then Sam came along …….I can honestly say this was a really happy, settled period as far as the boys were concerned …..I took a full year maternity leave with Sam ( the law had changed allowing longer time ) so I was at home during Matts first year of primary school too….before I went back to work I had also managed to find day care which accommodated them BOTH ( even school pick ups …Sam only left this time last year) …this was also EXCELLANT …..the woman who owned and ran it with her husband was the same age as myself ALSO mixed race ( but didn’t look it) and had given up her career in nursing as she had been unable to find childcare she was comfortable with following the birth of her son a number of years previously. She knew EXACTLY where I was coming from and was passionate about providing quality care and education along Montesouri lines:):):):):)

Alas ……high school proved more tricky for Matt ….partly fuelled by the boys dad and myself seperating when he was just 2 weeks in …….AGAIN something I have felt TERRIBLE about but accepted you can’t change the past and it takes 2 to ensure a relationship is pulling in the same direction ….riding any storms the test is in pulling together NOT apart ……….but I digress:)

So …Matt started high school ….a different one to the majority of his primary school chums …..his family was falling apart ….and he was having to make his own way home across town by bus and let himself in …..

Needless to say I had a confused and angry kid on my hands …..angry at his father AND myself ….a heartbreaking and difficult situation …..and sadly at THAT time …..because Matt was REFUSiNG to see his Dad …it was to quote ….my problem to deal with on my own:)

So all in all its been a bit of a roller coaster ride with Matt …I certainly do believe that black kids get into more serious trouble for things which would be worked with or considered teenage ‘high jinx’ for white kids ….I KNOW having experienced both sides of the fence …and ANYONE of color is viewed as black

Matt and myself have just had a chat about it …started by him …he said

‘You know Mum ….when you’re mixed race it’s pretty tough …..white folk see you as black, black folk think you’re too white and the Muslims seem to think you’re some kind of heathen that needs saving’

‘What do YOU think’ said I

‘I’m just mixed race ……I like both sides of my family …..yep I like being mixed race …it’s everyone else that seems to have the problem and I’m not sure where I fit in’

‘Yep …just remember it’s THEIR problem …but you WILL be judged …that’s why .although it might seem unfair …you have to try to be impeccable ….don’t play to some kind of perceived negative stereotype ‘

‘Hmmmm …yeah …think I’m getting it now Mum’

‘Oh …and it’s not just mixed race young people who struggle to wonder where they fit in ….they pretty much ALL do to a greater or lesser degree ….you’ll be ok in the end’

Hmmmm he’s gone to meet his girlfriends parents today ….they’re white …he’s got to ride his own ocean now tho …and makes it clear he wants to …….I’m putting the line down …he .can swim on back if and when he feels the need:)

PS ) Sam has just read thro this …he asked so I let him ….he said that there is another aspect he would add …and that we should learn about different races history ….the true history …then we get a better understanding of each other and why we are where we are

God he’s got a wise head on young shoulders sometimes